Messages from the other side... of common sense
Sapphire Divines: Where Chaos Meets Clairvoyance
Embark on a journey through the whimsical world of Sapphire Divines, where the mystical and the absurd collide in a spectacle of spiritual satire.
🐐✨ Meet the Duo
🩵 SAPPHIRE DIVINES
Blind Medium. Chaotic Prophetess. Professional Spiritual Detour.
Sapphire Divines is the mystic no one asked for but everyone needs.
She channels sarcasm, sprinkles guilt-free shade, and sometimes actually connects to divine insight — but only when the Wi-Fi is good.
She’s survived five twin flames, three Etsy bans, and one psychic brawl in a Sedona parking lot.
She no longer performs full moon rituals… because of the incident.
Specialties include:
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Gaslighting your shadow self
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Channeling your guides while judging your choices
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Delivering brutally honest readings with a side of “girl, no.”
“If I’m wrong, it’s your energy. Not me.” – Sapphire
🤍 RAPHAEL THE GOAT
Co-host. Karmic Contract Shredder. Spiritual Liability.
Raphael is a goat.
He is not here for your nonsense.
Raised in silence, trained in sarcasm, he once chewed through a soul contract and burped on a tarot deck. The deck caught fire. He hasn’t apologized.
He is both emotionally unavailable and telepathically gifted.
He also eats paper. A lot of it.
Talents include:
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Interrupting podcast recordings
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Detecting spiritual red flags by smell
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Snorting at your “twin flame situation”
“He has never spoken. But he has judged everything.” – Sapphire
Tune into the Cosmic Cacophony
Messages from the Other Side… of Common Sense
Enter the vortex of spiritual satire with Sapphire Divines — blind medium, full-time oracle, and part-time liability — and her goat co-host, Raphael.
Each episode delivers:
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✨ Unqualified divine downloads
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🐐 Goat interruptions
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🔥 Truth bombs dressed as jokes
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😵💫 Absolutely no refunds. Ever.
Whether you’re here to heal or spiral with flair, this is your audio invitation to laugh, unlearn, and question your twin flame tattoo.
Press play. Accept the chaos. The goat approves
What are clients have to say...... 👀
💫A Glimpse Into the Mystical
“Peek behind the veil… where sarcasm meets sacred.”
🃏 The Goatly Oracle Deck™
44 cards. 0 apologies. Absolutely no reversals — life’s chaotic enough.”
🐐 4. Raphael Merch
“Your spiritual guide. He doesn’t like you either.”
🕯️ Spiritually Unhinged Candles™ – For When the Vibes Are Feral
“Light with intention. Or vengeance. We don’t judge. (Actually, we do.)”
✉️ 5. Unhinged Email Readings
“Delivered to your inbox. Powered by sarcasm and psychic instability.”
🍵 Spiritually Unhinged Tea™ – Satirical Herbal Blends for the Emotionally Exhausted
“Brewed for healing. Steeped in delusion.”
💌 Unhinged Greeting Cards
A Glimpse Into the Mystical
…and the Emotionally Unstable
“Shop the chaos. Sip the delusion. Bless your inbox.”
A Glimpse into the Chaos
Shop Our Etsy Store
Why Etsy? Great question.
Look — I may be blind medium with a goat and a questionable past, but I still need your money to actually come to me.
With all the scammers out there (and I say that knowledgeable of them), Etsy ensures:
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🐐 Verified, goat-approved goods
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📦 Secure checkout with no disappearing portals
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💌 Direct delivery of your unhinged readings, tea, and spiritual merch
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🛑 Zero middlemen. Unless Raphael counts.
Etsy keeps things safe, legit, and conveniently legal — so your chaos arrives with tracking.
Buy the candle. Burn the illusion. Support small mystical scams.
👉 [Visit Our Etsy Shop]
📚 Oh, and lastly…
Look out for my book. It’s coming soon… enough.
(Assuming I don’t get distracted by tea, candles, or another spiritual identity crisis.)